Spiritual Journey

My Spiritual Journey

My parents did many things well but grounding me in Christianity was not one of them. My mother, aunts and grandmother were Christian Scientists, who do not recognize Jesus as the as the son of God. My dad was a Presbyterian, so the family attended both churches. Church was a Sunday obligation and social activity only.

After I joined the navy, I rarely went to any church for much of my adult life. When Richard turned four, we decided he should al least be exposed to church and took him to one near our house. Again, it was Sunday only and not a priority any other time. I quit attending after the divorce.

I was never an atheist. My engineering background convinced me that the universe, our solar system, and the variety of life forms on earth did not exist by chance. I accepted a supreme creator of some kind but viewed him as distant and vengeful. I was aware of the Bible and Jesus but thought that I could not meet the standards required for heaven.

My thought process began to change when my dad passed away in 1987. When I attended his memorial service, many people shared their memories of Dad with me. He periodically struggled with alcohol but had been sober 15 years. The terms I heard most often were integrity, humility, and community service. That was my first wake-up call – I realized I would be remembered primarily for working and playing hard.

The second nudge was from my son Richard. At his high school graduation, the faculty gave him a reward as the senior most caring and considerate, for his fellow students. Again, I realized no one thought of me that way. In college, he developed a strong relationship with a student paster, got involved with a local church, and accepted Jesus as his Savior. He later decided to attend seminary after graduation. His priorities were much different than mine - and much less selfish. When I was diagnosed with cancer 1n 2004, he wrote my explaining how much happier he was as a Christian and ask me to think about my faith before my surgery. (I have been cancer-free for 18 years.)

Alcoholism runs in my family. I have had alcoholic blackouts, and now realize I abused alcohol but was not chemically dependent. My luck ran out and I was arrested for DUI, which resulted in temporary suspension of my drivers license and RiderCoach certification. This was the turning point. I realized that I had previously driven impaired and "lucky" that I had not been caught, or more importantly, did not harm myself or anyone else. I did some deep soul-searching, reading, and reflection. I concluded that Jesus was the son of God and accepted him as Savior.

We joined a local church, and I began to read and study the Bible, then participated in an Emmaus walk in 2011. This weekend retreat introduced me to the concept of an individual relationship with Jesus Christ.

Our Baptism

Christian baptism is a significant event. It symbolized death of our earthly life and rising again with our new life in Christ.

Beginning of the Recovery Journey

In 2012, I attended my first Celebrate Recovery (CR) meeting. CR is a Christ-centered 12-step recovery process similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. This diagram illustrates my understanding of addiction and recovery.

The Addiction Tree

source unknown

The Journey

The branches of the tree represent various types of addictive behavior. The root cause is the hurts we keep concealed inside of us. Recovery requires realization that we are powerless to change our behavior by ourselves, but God can.

Chemical dependency, such as alcoholism and drug addiction often require medical treatment and rehabilitation in addition to the recovery process. Recovery is not a one-time quick-fix. Behavior changes requires continued effort, and replacing some of our destructive habits and perhaps some of our relationships, with healthier choices.

Recovery is also not a solo effort. In addition to depending on God, we need a sponsor and support group to work through the steps. Regular meetings and sponsor discussions provide accountability to keep us on track.

here are the steps

CR 12 steps

As I worked though recovery, I realized that alcohol-abuse was not my only issue. I had also abused food with 30+ pound weight gain/loss cycles and mentally abused my family. My top priority had always been wrong. First it was my career and possessions, then it was motorcycling. My family was always second, and God and Jesus were never considered. My major character defects are arrogance and selfishness – everything was all about me.

It is difficult to describe the range of emotions as I worked each step with the support from my accountability team. I learned that I am not alone - many people share similar character defects with me. A huge load of guilt, remorse, and regret are gone. I felt liberated from hiding behind a mask. My family responded with grace and understanding and we are repairing and growing our individual relationships. I am less intense and much more at peace than I was before recovery.

The CR process is like peeling an onion. Each time you identify and work on correcting one issue, you realize there is another underneath. Maturity and grown come from accepting that I will never graduate from this process. When I go astray, I confess my mistake in prayer, promptly make amends, and ask for forgiveness. Because I am broken, I fail every day. It is a life-long journey.

our move to Charlotte

After being nomads for the first 15 years of our marriage, we enjoyed seven years in Taiwan, then returned to Wilmington under less-than-ideal circumstances. We moved to Houston, then retired to Boerne.

We never expected to leave Texas. We were happy there, and developed social network. We had also started our journey toward spiritual maturity.

When Richard died, we re-evaluated everything, prayed and asked God for guidance. We recognized we needed to spend more time with our grandson and DeLana’s dad. As we had aged, the 2-3 day road trips by car, either east or west, were no longer attractive.

Charlotte was the best logistical location. It is a reasonable drive to both Knoxville and Aiken, and the Charlotte airport has numerous flight choices to CA for visiting Thomas and Jerry. So we moved in Dec 2019 without knowing anyone in Charlotte. Three months later, co-vid shutdown everything.

In Boerne, I was either working at the H-D dealership and/or riding motorcycles an average of 30 hours a week. DeLana was active in the Emmaus Community and Steven Ministry church activities, which are not available here. Now, we were sitting at home with no friends around us and no place to go. CY 2020 was difficult.

We have adapted, found a great local church and learning to do more together. The decision to move was validated in 2022 when DeLana's dad, who lives alone, was diagnosed with cancer. He just celebrated his 94th birthday in October after three months of radiation and chemo treatments. Because we were here, we were able to help with transportation, meals, and other assistance. He is much better and getting stronger everyday.

We are now in the right place, physically, mentally, and spiritually. We are blessed!

Another Opportunity

Our local church, Good Shepherd Charlotte, decided to launch a new ministry for recovery. It is called Re:generation and adapted from Celebrate Recovery! DeLana and I are part of the pilot team for this ministry, and we are excited about this project. My friend Mike Bandtlow, a mature Christian role model, is mentoring me.